dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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