bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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