quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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