Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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