My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
