mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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