Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
