There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
