do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I love you. Go after that dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
