dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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