hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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