Plan B is the new Plan A
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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