It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
