you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
