White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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