I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
