Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
