I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just got carded by a ten year old.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
