you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
