I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
