Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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