I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
