I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
