just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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