I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
