Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
