the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
