Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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