he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
