stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
