dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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