we have officially lost it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
