Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
