I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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