so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
