Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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