The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
