sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
