3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
