things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
