we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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