something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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