Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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