I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
