I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
