How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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