After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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