The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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