I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
