I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
