Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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