Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
