he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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