omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
